Day 1 of my first teacher training with Joanne Vendenhengel at School House Yoga
“The church bells ring into 8am and I hit Virabhadrasana II, strong, as I had done so many times before but i could not ‘stick it’. I could not get my legs to stop shaking. As I stood there, I could not stop the internal yelling. “STOP IT” “JUST DO IT” “FOCUS” “BREATHE INTO YOUR STILLNESS”. Nothing was working. The Chitta (mind chatter) was getting louder and louder. I was getting more and more frustrated with myself, and more so with Virabhadrasana II. I started to feel a yucky residue of unworthiness clogging my throat, almost to the point of not being able to breathe. I pushed through the rest of the sequence. And although I was moving forward with body, I was not with mind. I could hear a faint echoing voice int he back of my head. Screaming….”who do you think you are?” “You can’t be a teacher.” “You cant even stick your warriors.”.
The sequence was over and the day went on as the sun moved from one side of the room to the other. The chitta quieted down. As we closed the day with meditation this popped in my head. “As you sit high, let your heart shine. As you breathe know that you have confidence.” Just then a wave of golden light poured over me and I end my class knowing that I am a great yogi and that, with Self Study and Self Acknowledgement, I will become a great teacher.” July 2010
I wanted to share this with you to remind you how important it is to listen to your inner voice but not allow yourself to be ruled by it. Both your mind and body should have equal power of self.
There is a great saying by Swami Ramakrishnanda where a man goes in to buy a hand fan but it has holes in it, therefore it does not work. He takes it back to the store owner and says, “this fan is broken.” the store own replies, “well how are you using it?”. The man has the fan in his hand and waves it in front of his face. The store owner says, “well i know your problem, you are doing it wrong.”. The man looks at the store own puzzled. The store owner takes the fan and hold it in front of his face and shakes his head back and forth in front of it. The man leaves the store.
What is the point of this story? Our bodies sometimes go on auto pilot and it is important to involve your mind.
Breath, Balance and Blessings
Have a peace filled day